-I prayed for a deeper prayer life. I prayed for any barrier or hindrance of my faith to be removed and that I would be able to have a more intimate knowing and dialogue with God.
-I prayed for a closer relationship to my son CJ. Not to my children in general... To CJ! I prayed for a greater understanding of his pain and anxiety and to have a greater love and compassion for him. I prayed for a closeness to him I was afraid was lacking on my part.
-I prayed for confirmation that I would stand faithfully before my Lord when faced with trial. That I would not fall away when the storm comes. I wanted unshakable faith realizing I can not have unshakable faith without first being be shaken.
-I prayed for an estranged friend and I to have peace and reconciliation so that I may live at peace among everyone as much as it depends on me. Romans 12:18
- I said prayers for certain extended family members who I wanted to see grow closer to the Lord. I asked God to use me and my family in leading them closer to Himself.
-I prayed for God to use my son CJ to lead many to intimacy and knowledge of Christ. I prayed that.
-I prayed for God to give my family a deeper compassion for others struggles. To soften our hearts. I even asked him to give us some type of ministry we could all be involved in together.
-And believe it or not, I prayed that I would not have the 'easy life'. Yes, I said those exact words. I said, "God, I don't want to live the easy Christian life where everything is great and it is easy to love and serve and worship you. I want to really do the thing." I wanted to make every moment count and to know my family brought glory to Him.
Why would I ask for that? Why would I ask for troubles. Does God actually send trouble or just allow it? I believe God sends trouble into our lives to strengthen us. David sees this and cries out in Psalm 71:20 "Who, O God is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again."
Did God give CJ cancer? No, I don't believe so. Did He allow it? Yes. Is He using it to answer all those prayers I mentioned above. Yes and Amen. Romans 8:28 has come alive to me like never before. "And we know in all things, God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose. " I do not believe God answered those prayers by giving CJ cancer but I believe God has used Cancer to answer each and every one of those prayers all in this one circumstance. God hears our prayers. And He answers them according to His sovereign will.
Therefore, I boldly ask for God to hear my prayer for healing for my son CJ. God has already used His very own blood to heal him of the most deadly disease there is. The disease of our own sin. Isaiah 53:5 says "..by his wounds we are healed." CJ is healed for all eternity from that. I would not trade that healing for the healing of cancer for one minute but I will boldly ask God to heal my son of this disease within his body as well.
1John 5:14 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him. "
As you know I have implored with you all to persevere with us in prayer. I want to share what God showed me in devotions this week and why I believe this is so heavy on my heart and in no way offensive to God for us to beseech Him again and again and again for healing for CJ. And why I won't stop asking for prayer and pleading with you to continue to pray with us.
It is taken from 1Kings 18:43 when Elijah continually tells his servant to "go back".
Charles Spurgeon says...
"...We must not dream of unbelief, but hold to our faith even to seventy times seven. So far from being crushed by repeated disappointment, faith is animated to plead more fervently with God. It would be more agreeable to flesh and blood to have a speedy answer, but believing souls have learned to be submissive, and to find it good to wait for, as well as wait upon the Lord. Delayed answers often set the heart searching itself, and so lead to contrition and spiritual reformation. The greater danger is lest men should faint, and miss the blessing. Do not fall into that sin, but continue in prayer and watching. Plead the precious blood with unceasing insistent request and it shall be with you according to your desire!"
Amen and Amen!
Plead with us with unceasing request for CJ's healing and sustainment. Your prayers are powerful and effective. Just how effective? CJ's blood counts are good. They are staying strong. His hair has not fallen out. He is not sick. God is listening. Keep praying. CJ will be getting scans at the end of the first month of the chemo. We are praying for a miraculous act of God and clear scans that reveal the tumors completely gone.
More importantly than CJ's physical health, God is doing an amazing work in his heart. We are in awe of what we see God doing. And we want to share some of that with all of you. As I type this the family is cuddled in his room watching a movie.....but he is out in the living room reading his Bible and copying down verses. God has given him some amazing verses this week. Matthew 8:1-4 in particular!
When asked by his dad why he is spending all his time writing letters and emails and cards and not relaxing and playing his new video games CJ said, "I was thinking that five years from now the video games will be forgotten but my letters and cards will still be remembered." Then, he came to us one night and said he 'felt great' and we asked him why and what happened. He said he had just finished praying on his knees and when he got up he just felt really great, really good! Sounds like healing to me!
I share all this with you not because we are in complete humble awe at what God is allowing us to witness between this boy and Himself. We are mostly as stunned as you all are at what God is doing in and through him. As a Christian who has been under Gods mighty hand a time or two and His gentle hand more than I can count, I am thrilled for what CJ is experiencing with His God right in front of my eyes. But in all honesty, I can't help but wonder why God is building his faith up and taking him to the mountain tops for refreshment. Is it to prepare him for the valleys to come? Is this a season of preparation for the long hard road ahead? Oh I know, don't question, don't question.......just obediently follow!
Note: I typed this last week and left it in my drafts not sure of whether it was for me or I was meant to to share it. Last night in meeting with my Pastor and his wife, God made it clear that it was to share. He confirmed it with Isaish 53. CJ is already healed where it counts. I pray it blesses you!
CJ praying on Easter morning.