Monday, October 13, 2008

Light the Night


I am sorry it has taken us so long to get on here and thank all of you for your participation in the Light the Night walk. I think we just needed some time to process our feelings and reactions to the whole experience. Chris and I were completely overwhelmed at the turnout for CJ. Not only the sea of people that were there when we arrived, but the others that came later, the amount of financial contributions that were made to the Lymphoma Society on CJ's behalf, and the people that determined to walk and carry balloons even from as far as the Bahamas to participate. People drove from way down South. People who we have never even met before came to support CJ! Thank you Aunt Penny for being our Team Captain and organizing the whole thing! We felt surrounded by love and support in this battle. At one point we took a group picture and when I looked through the lens at the size of the group and realized why we were all gathering there my heart clenched tightly in my chest. My throat went dry and I wanted to cry right then and there. Chris traded with me to take a picture and said he had the same experience when he saw the group. He had a difficult time that night. He felt very protective of CJ and could not wrap his mind around the fact that we were at a cancer walk for our son.

One difficult aspect of the night was on the way there. I decided I had better warn CJ about the gold balloons in case he asked when we got there. I told him that they represented those who had passed away from cancer. I was so worried about how to approach this because CJ still had not mentioned death once in all of this. He has not asked if you can die from cancer or if people die from cancer. I explained what the gold balloons represented and told him how lucky we are that we have the medicines we do now and that health care is so much better than it used to be. I explained to him that is the importance of doing the walk and raising the money. And he seemed to take it well and not relate it in any way to his own situation.

The hardest part of the evening was watching CJ with a white balloon. I kept looking at him and wanting to take the balloon away from him and hand him a red one. (In his heart, CJ carries a red balloon. I know that because CJ has always been a supporter of others, never focusd on himself.)
I, on the other hand, selfishly would not look at anyone else with a white balloon. I did not look at one! I refused. I don't know why but I just could not bring myself to look around. And I certainly refused to look for any gold ones. I couldn't tell you what one other person carrying a white balloon looked like. Isn't that selfish of me. I just stayed in my own little bubble and looked at CJ. I knew there were other families going through more difficult times than we are and I knew I should be reaching out. I didn't even walk around to look at the different groups that sponsored the walk and see what kind of information I could get. I just kept looking at CJ and wondering what in the world we were doing there. And why so soon? It had not even been a month since his diagnosis. It seemed like God was moving way too fast and I remember whispering to Him to slow down a bit and let me catch my breath.

CJ left a little early with his dad because he was getting tired and I drove home with the two little ones. I was overwhelmed emotionally and cried and spoke to Chris on the phone who was also overwhelmed at the whole experience and we cried together. He said CJ said to him, "Daddy, it was sad about all the gold balloons, wasn't it?" That broke my heart because I realized once again what a better person he is than me. I couldn't even bring myself to take my eyes off my own situation long enough to look at all the others around me, but my little 9 year old took the time to see all the gold balloons. That is so like CJ to comment on someone else and notice someone else. I sit here ashamed and realize I still haven't learned the lesson on compassion God is wanting to teach me. I am a slow and selfish learner. And I know the lesson will not end until I finally pass. I don't even want the lesson to end until I pass. And even that is selfish of me! "Oh what a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Thank you again for all who participated on so many different levels!
We were, and continue to be, extremely blessed by your love and support.


20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dearest Dawnie and Chris...I'd swipe all the white and gold balloons if I could away from you and CJ. I'm an old bat; you and Chris young and loving parents. All God's lessons don't need to be learned in one day or one month. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grow a little more slowly. God has laid a lot at your feet, be patient with yourself and just allow your love to surround CJ at this time.
Love Aunt Penny,
xoxooxoxox

Anonymous said...

Dawn,
His grace is sufficient for every moment, every circumstance, every detail and every need. He will give you all the grace you need to walk this season out. You, C.J and your family continue to be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are so real and I so appreciate that in you.
Love you, Ody

aunt char said...

hi cj and all of your family.
i had to read the blog this morning twice--the first time was
in tears. i was very overwhelmed
by all of the response and compassion from all of your family
and friends. dawnie, you are a very special person. i don't know how you cope, but i do know that
God is right by your side and he
will guide you through all of this.
you are such an inspiration for all.i wish i could have been there
for the walk, but i was there in
thought and prayer. we love you,
and think about you always.
love, aunt char

p.s. can't wait to get my bracelets.

Tammi said...

Dear Chris and Dawn and CJ.
I love you all so much. I love you all so much. I love you so much. I am very proud of my nephew.
Aunt Tammi

Anonymous said...

Dawn,

We were so grateful to be part of the group supporting CJ's team at the walk. There were about double the amount of people there that were in the picture! It was overwhelming and hard to accept that we were there for CJ.

I pray for full healing! Father, Lord, Abba, Jehovah, I Am, Please heal CJ, change or hearts, we are open to learn. Please Lord Heal CJ! And Heal us. We seem to need much more healing than he does, for CJ is so holy and humble, giving and thoughtful, focused on You, and God Fearing. Lord, help me be more like CJ. Lord, you are just and for us, not against us. You promise to justify, glorify, and protect us. Please heal CJ while molding us into your son's likeness.
Amen
Jackie (Your Child)

Sonia said...

Hi,Dawn your aunt Penny is right, you don´t have to be so hard to yourself, you´re doing a wonderfull job in only one month. Keep strong because in this very moment is CJ who needs you, when you get through, you can start hellping the others, and you will do it with the love and the experience you are developing now.
Love,
Sonia.
PD, I want the bracelets too, I think that Andres is going to Miami in a few days, plese tell Paula to send us a few, that is a nice way to remember to pray for him.

Anonymous said...

Dawn,
You are a humble woman.

Our Lord is a patience Lord. He knows we are made of dust. Do not set standards higher and sooner deadlines than God's. He'll be faithful to complete His job on you and He is not in a hurry.

You grieve because you are human, but you grieve with hope because you have Him. Your church family is here to share this burden with you. When you cannot walk, we'll walk for you; if it's hard to look, we'll look for you. The world says: "be self-sufficient, work alone"; the Lord says: "come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".
Wirley

Enzo said...

Dawn,

It was a difficult night. You have to remember that at the time of the march you weren't even 1 month into discovering CJ's illness. A month ago he was playing flag football and riding go-carts. Then here he is carrying the white balloon. I like you had such a hard time seeing that. I also felt CJ is such a "red balloon" person. Always marching for others. I can see that he is still marching for others even though it isn't in the way we would prefer. Hard to imagine but I'm sure next year at the march we'll be able to seek others out that are just beginning and reach out to them and offer them comfort and encouragement. I'm sure of it.
Love Mom

grandma colleen said...

my dearest family, i love you all so much, i love you father even more. i came to this realization, a few days ago in your saturday blog. i was holding on to cj's cancer, fighting negative thoughts and fears, when i knew that i was not putting god first and loving him above everything else. wow, thank you my father for opening my heart to this!!!!. now the doors of my heart have opened and i can truly thank our father for the growth we are experiencing through this cancer trial.cj's humble faith in the lord is enough to bring me to tears and then to the floor in pray of humbleness, forgiveness and complete praise for you my father, for without you in my life none of this would be possible!!!!!! five years ago, i don't know how much praise i would be doing, but through MANY trails this family has been through in the five years, i can see gods hand in helping with my spiritual growth, and all of this family.to see my precious cj with such a peace, and strong love for the lord is very very humbling, and there is a very strong message in that for everyone who is following this blog.our god is SOVEREIGN, just, merciful, loving forgiving, and his ways are perfect.as part of this family, i ask all of you blog followers to search you hearts, seek christ and ask him to come into you life and fill your heart with his love and give your life to him right now on your knees ask him now please. i believe cj's illness can change many lives, god Does not allow anything to happen in our lives without a purpose, and we can see how god is working in this.god is using a small humble, loving child to reach the hearts of many, won't you please be one of them.i would like to share a verse with all of you bloggers it says so much about all that we as a family are going through.JOHN 13:7 JESUS REPLIED YOU DO NOT REALIZE NOW WHAT I AM DOING BUT LATER YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.oh how true, and i am holding on to that promise from my Jesus.

Anonymous said...

Dawn and CJ and dear ones, you continue to pour out such incense and perfume from your hurting hearts. Your family is truly an alabaster box, full of precious and costly perfume that is being broken, not in vain, but to be poured over and glorify our Jesus, and to lift His beauty and holiness high, that all might be drawn unto him! You are ministering to us, challenging us, spurring us on to love and good works, and indeed, lifting our Lord high in the sight of all. I am often tearful and speachless and driven to wrestle in my own heart with places that are hard to dwell on after reading your posts. This is God's work and you are vessels of grace! No we will not move on and forget! I am so grateful for your transparency and full of admiration for your earnest heart and passionate pursuit of the Lord (all of you!) I wish there were more I could do in this season, but know you have my prayers and the love of a sister in Christ! Mattie

shawn said...

I miss you already buddy.

Elena, Jessica and Emily Rodriguez said...

Dawn,

Thank you for your heart and words. Know that you are loved. You inspire us to grow in the Lord..

Deuteronomy 31:8
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

The Lord says it best.. Be blessed and know that he is with you and your family always.

Love, Elena

Anonymous said...

Dawn and Family,
You are an inspiration to many! You (Dawn) have never overlooked anyone, never failed to assist, never forgot to pray, never cease to help those in need. You are being too hard on yourself. I am so amazed at how your family is coping with all of this. You all are going through a difficult time and your focus and attention rightfully needs to be on CJ. In time you will seek out others. For now, all your love should be wrapped around CJ and your family. GOD understands!
Love to all,
The Castro Family

Iliana said...

God is good and His ways are different than ours. May the peace of God that transcends all understanding guard your hearts in Christ Jesus. May you hide in the shelter of the Almighty, your Rock and Fortress to Him who is Trustworthy. To Him who is able to do more than we ask for or imagine, to God be the Glory in all things and forever!

Thanks for the idea of the bracelets, Roberto and I kee them on and remember to pray for you, CJ as well as others that need prayers. Just a little example of how God uses little things to establish His purposes; isn't He good? Indeed!

Roberto & Iliana

Anonymous said...

WE WOULDN'T OF CARED WHERE WE WERE WE WOULD OF WALKED PROUD FOR CJ AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!!! ANYWHERE!! ALL OUR LOVE ALWAYS XOXOX PAM & JORGE

Anonymous said...

Dawn,

Again, I thank you for the blog! I admit that I was struggling with the fact that the comment box has gone from some 40 plus comments per blog to sometimes just 9 or 10 when I check. I would think, what happened to all the people that commented in the begining? But, I realize that many of them call you directly since your home or come by to drop off food. I try not to call you too much because I want you to have as much time with your family as possible and I am sure you get plenty of calls. But, you know, I am thinking and praying for you guys through out my day.
Today I called my dear friend Kristin in Gainsville and she told me some amazing things going on up there related to the blog. She said her oldest son Christopher did a report for his technology class on CJ's Blog. And that her son Ryan's first grade teacher is praying for CJ with her first grade team at school and at chruch. She also told me that her Grandfather who is a strong Christian and known to many as a prayer warrior is ill and that her brother who is not saved is taking care of him. Kristn says her grandfather has been using your blog to reach his grandson and they read the blog together. I was totally blown away when she shared all this with me. I had started out my conversation with her by asking if she was still reading the blog because I hadn't seen any postings from her. I told her I thought you guys would love to hear this. So I urge anyone who is reading along to please keep posting as well. Your comments have been a time of devotion for me and growth. So I can only imagine what they are doing for the George family. Please share how and what is happening related to CJ's cancer. I could also use a dose of CeCe! She always puts a warm feeling in my heart and a smile on my face!

Love,

Aunt Jackie

beckyg929 said...

Dawn,

We are so sorry we missed the Light the Night...we're so glad you had such a wonderful turn out!

Thank you so much for so humbly sharing what God is doing in your heart...He has used CJ and your family in the midst of this trial in incredible ways, for me personally, and for us as a family. We cry out to God daily on your behalf...My friend, I know we had only just gotten to know each other, through the FL History Co-op and such, and had the opportunity to briefly talk about some areas of struggle we had in common. I feel like I've gotten to know you so much better through these blog posts, and pray for the day we can continue our journey of friendship beyond the blog lines! I so appreciate your honesty and being 'real' as Ody said in her previous post. Thanks for sharing your heart, because in doing so you encourage me to do the same!

:) Becky

CJ,

Gabe thinks of you and prays for you often. He has been faithful to remind us to pray for you guys! May the Lord continue to guide and strengthen you for the road ahead...

Mrs. Gonzalez

Break the Mold said...

Jackie,
My baby sister!
Thank you for your post. It is true that we are hearing from people through e-mails and phone calls a lot too. We are hearing amazing testimonies that we wish were being shared with everyone through the comments. Some people say they are not comfortable typing it here. I am not either believe it or not. But I know I have to.
Thank you for sharing that testimony about Kristens family in Gainsville. It is testimonies like that that help Chris and I take our eyes off ourselves and our sadness and put them on Jesus Christ and surrender to His will.
My pastor preached on Isaiah 53 this week. Coincidence? No such thing! Anyway, I really want you (and everyone)to hear it. It will give you fresh eyes to the gospel. It will make you rejoice and make you cry! Go to www.PalmVista.org and listen to this past Sundays sermon. (Oct 12) If anyone is willing to "do something for the Georges" please do this and then discuss it with us. That would strengthen us beyond measure!

In it he reminded us also of how "Jesus went to the cross for the joy set before him". And although I do not in any way compare our suffering to his I can relate to the joy set before him part. This blog and the testimonies coming because of it allow us to focus on the joys set before us in this trial and not the trial itself.

Yesterday a friend called and said that the post "I almost did not post" on Isaiah 53 was for her and her family. I can not tell you how that strengthens me when I look at CJ and see his hair falling out and his face changing and my heart begins to feel strangled in my chest.

Thank you again for sharing that testimony with us! May God continue to use this trial for His glory!
I love you,
Your big sister!
Dawn

Ily (hearts) said...

Dawn, what can I say. In your eyes you are being selfish but in mine you are “a mom” a "human mom." Don't be so hard on yourself, God will deal with you when you least expect it. I....from the outside, think you are a wonderful Christian Woman. If I can think that….imagine what our Lord and Savior thinks of you. He created you and, He only creates good things. So with that said my friend and Sister in Christ.....Please don't be so hard on yourself. You and Chris are doing a great job and God knows your hearts. Just being so open with us amazes me. That can only come from GOD. You are humbling yourself in front of A LOT of people and before the Lord. I admire that in you.
CJ I got your bracelet and it is on my wrist at all times just like you are in my mind and prayers all the time. Just remember that God is GOOD all the time.
Blessings,
ILY

grandma colleen said...

where are you CeCe? we all miss your prayers baby. they are so up lifting we need them. love grandma colleen