Thank you all so much for your kind words and great response to the non-profit. (See below post regarding the non-profit if you haven't already). I really have to credit CJ with this because it is his heart to always want to help others that made us want to be more like him. It is the struggles that we have watched him and his siblings go through that make us want to ease this burden for other families in similar situations. It is the joy we have seen him experience from small gestures of kindness during this trial that make us want to share this same kindness with others.
CJ, and Children Battling Cancer, were featured on the news the other evening. That was an unexpected blessing and we hope it brings awareness to our cause. God has already done more than we could have asked or imagined in a such a short period of time and we have only just begun.
I have to share one particular story with you that really affected us. We were at an orientation at a local church for a new program we are adding to our homeschooling schedule this year. This church is hosting us by allowing us to use their facilities for a minimal fee and while we were there my girlfriend leaned over and said, "You know, I visited this church a few times and I remember a child with cancer mentioned when I was here." I thought, Wow, what a coincid...... and then before the word could completely form in my head, I heard, "There are no coincidences Dawn!"
Chris and I spoke with the Pastor to ask him about the child. We were surprised to discover that this child was also a 9 year old boy. Sadly, he passed away after a four year battle with cancer. These types of stories are extremely difficult to hear because I realize that somewhere along the way in that battle the child was probably doing really well, like CJ. Then the pastor went on to share that they also had a little girl who passed away after a long battle with cancer. He then walked us outside and showed us two bricks in the breezeway that had been placed there in their memory. Their names and the dates of their short lives were etched into the bricks. This was unexpected and I had to guard my heart carefully. Staring at the brick, I was surprised and ashamed of the sudden thought, I never want CJ's name to end up on a brick. But I realize that is not in my control so I had to surrender that selfish thought immediately. Chris and I went on to share with him about CBC and what we are doing through the chemo bag fundraiser and other projects to help these families. This church definitely has a heart for this ministry and has been touched deeply by the effects of childhood cancer.
I am so grateful the Lord brought us to this specific church for this program and I am acutely aware that I, and CJ, will walk over those bricks every Tuesday for the next 24 weeks. I pray that I will do it in a way that honors those two precious children and their families.
_______________________________________________
On a lighter note, CJ's baseball season has officially begun! He came home from practice last week and ran through the door and said, 'Mom, you will never guess what number I got." So of course I shouted back, "What number did you get?" He answered excitedly, "I got the number 3! Can you believe that?"
He wanted the number 3 because that is the number of his go-cart and was chosen specifically to represent the Trinity. Having that number reminds him that an all powerful, all knowing, strength giving God is with him at all times. He sees it as a symbol of his faith as you or I would wear a cross on our neck or place a fish on our car. It serves as a constant reminder of who he represents when he is out there on the field. He was so happy to have it and I was so happy for him.
CJ pitched a bit in his first game and it was so exciting. I can not even express the feelings of seeing him out there playing his heart out. I kept thinking that 11 months ago I was sitting in an office listening to the list of things CJ would have to go through, the list of things he could not do, the list of medications he would be taking, the list of complications that were possible and at that time this day felt so far away. I remember when the doctor told me he would lose all his hair. I was so sad. Then he said that within 6-9 months it would be coming back and CJ would be out playing like other kids. I did not believe him. I just stared at him and thought he was trying to be optimistic or cheer us up.
Now, here we are 11 months later and CJ's hair is back and he is out playing like other kids. It is still surreal in so many ways. I know his fight is not over and I live with that reality everyday. It is always with me that the next scan, the next blood test, the next ache or pain could be the beginning of this battle all over again. But at the moment I am simply grateful and astonished at how far he has come in so short a time.
Admittedly, there are times it is more difficult for me that he looks like all the other kids because his physical presence does not betray our inner battle. I guess my heart has not caught up with his physical progress yet. This became evident on Saturday during his first game. My mother was there with me and we were so excited watching him pitch that we could not sit still. I just could not believe I was watching him pitch in a baseball game.
We were down by 20 points at this point in the game and it was 100 degrees outside. All the other parents were sitting quiet and still in the shade and had to be wondering what in the world was wrong with us as we paced back and forth cheering him on, our excitement obvious. I looked over at Chris who was struggling to contain himself as well and I said, "Can you believe we are here?" I thought I should cry or shout or do something but instead I just thanked God silently.
There was this strange temptation to look back at all the parents and say, "Please excuse our excitement. He has cancer and this is a miracle you are witnessing." I didn't do it of course. I know God will show me the appropriate time to share our story with each parent. I do want them to know because I believe God can use CJ's story to benefit and bond this team in a special way. Even if it is a simple as one little boy being kinder to his teammates, or one parent being more patient with their own child's progress, then it will be a blessing to share our story.
During his second game he struck out and went back into the dugout positive and cheering his teammates on. This was a surprise because I know the amount of time he spends practicing and I know he wants his game to reflect that. This was also different from last year when he would get really frustrated with himself for striking out. I told him I was proud of his attitude and he said, "I don't care if I strike out as long as I go down swinging and trying my best." I sure hope that attitude lasts all season!
I realize most of our readers are not local but many that are have asked for his baseball schedule so you can come to one of his games and cheer him on. I will attach it to this post for anyone interested in attending a game. Email me for directions to the park if you need them.



___________________________________________________
On a more serious note, I would like to ask for prayer for CJ as he rediscovers the beautiful truths of the gospel all over again, like we all do when we come face to face with the depravity of our minds and our flesh. CJ found himself in a situation that lead him to come to me immediately and confess his sin and ask for prayer and accountability. (I still can not believe a 10 year old can walk through these truths better than I can at 35) . As I prayed with him, he thanked God over and over through tears for sending his Son to die for him. As a mom, I suffered and yet rejoiced at what I was witnessing. I was saddened by his pain but so grateful for his spirit. He asked me why he still felt so bad after prayer and confession and I told him it was important that he accepts God's grace and forgiveness but if God removed all memory of the sin and the consequences for it we would just continue to do it over and over again.
I also told him that since he was very little I have believed that God has plans for him. Now I realize God has plans for all our lives and that is a promise in Scripture we can all claim but I am talking about something more, something I have sensed since he was a child. I don't know if it was the cancer or something more and the cancer was just an attempt to destroy those plans. I have not theologically worked through all of this yet but I do believe CJ has suffered attack after attack untypical for a child his age. It began when he was a small child and suffered severely with anxiety unlike anything I had ever seen. Even a seasoned teacher whose class he was supposed to take, who assured me he would be fine, came out 10 minutes later and told me she had never seen fear in a child like that before and felt I should not enroll him in the class. Then, when when he was about 6 or 7, he suffered a fiery trial that nearly pulled me from the church. And now at 9 he is diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes I wonder if all these attacks are to divert him from the plan God has for him or just to prepare him for it. Then, I shudder as I realize that if they are just to prepare him for a life of serving God, we are probably not talking the "good life" working for Christ but the "to live is Christ and to die is gain kind of life." The real good life that includes sacrifice and often suffering. Then I think back on all the years of praying and continuing to pray for God to set CJ apart for His glory and wonder if I knew what I was doing when I prayed that. Maybe I wasn't well enough versed in the New Testament to pray that kind of prayer. Maybe I had not taken a good look at what being set apart for God's glory really looked like. I am tempted to to ask God to take my ignorance into consideration? But deep down, I know it wasn't done in ignorance. I knew what I was praying for and even so, I still say Yes and Amen although through tears and a heavy heart now.
As I close this post, I confess I am tempted to apologize to those of you who I may sound like some religious wacko to but my conscience won't allow it and it is probably way too late for that if you have followed this blog for any extended period of time. Instead, I will boldly ask for continued prayer for CJ both spiritually as well as prayer for his continued healing physically. I will admit I am stunned that anyone actually reads these posts. I am humbled that you would allow me this portion of your time to share our families burden and blessings with you through my inadequate words yet I am grateful for it and pray that it blesses you.
CJ, and Children Battling Cancer, were featured on the news the other evening. That was an unexpected blessing and we hope it brings awareness to our cause. God has already done more than we could have asked or imagined in a such a short period of time and we have only just begun.
I have to share one particular story with you that really affected us. We were at an orientation at a local church for a new program we are adding to our homeschooling schedule this year. This church is hosting us by allowing us to use their facilities for a minimal fee and while we were there my girlfriend leaned over and said, "You know, I visited this church a few times and I remember a child with cancer mentioned when I was here." I thought, Wow, what a coincid...... and then before the word could completely form in my head, I heard, "There are no coincidences Dawn!"
Chris and I spoke with the Pastor to ask him about the child. We were surprised to discover that this child was also a 9 year old boy. Sadly, he passed away after a four year battle with cancer. These types of stories are extremely difficult to hear because I realize that somewhere along the way in that battle the child was probably doing really well, like CJ. Then the pastor went on to share that they also had a little girl who passed away after a long battle with cancer. He then walked us outside and showed us two bricks in the breezeway that had been placed there in their memory. Their names and the dates of their short lives were etched into the bricks. This was unexpected and I had to guard my heart carefully. Staring at the brick, I was surprised and ashamed of the sudden thought, I never want CJ's name to end up on a brick. But I realize that is not in my control so I had to surrender that selfish thought immediately. Chris and I went on to share with him about CBC and what we are doing through the chemo bag fundraiser and other projects to help these families. This church definitely has a heart for this ministry and has been touched deeply by the effects of childhood cancer.
I am so grateful the Lord brought us to this specific church for this program and I am acutely aware that I, and CJ, will walk over those bricks every Tuesday for the next 24 weeks. I pray that I will do it in a way that honors those two precious children and their families.
_______________________________________________
On a lighter note, CJ's baseball season has officially begun! He came home from practice last week and ran through the door and said, 'Mom, you will never guess what number I got." So of course I shouted back, "What number did you get?" He answered excitedly, "I got the number 3! Can you believe that?"
He wanted the number 3 because that is the number of his go-cart and was chosen specifically to represent the Trinity. Having that number reminds him that an all powerful, all knowing, strength giving God is with him at all times. He sees it as a symbol of his faith as you or I would wear a cross on our neck or place a fish on our car. It serves as a constant reminder of who he represents when he is out there on the field. He was so happy to have it and I was so happy for him.
CJ pitched a bit in his first game and it was so exciting. I can not even express the feelings of seeing him out there playing his heart out. I kept thinking that 11 months ago I was sitting in an office listening to the list of things CJ would have to go through, the list of things he could not do, the list of medications he would be taking, the list of complications that were possible and at that time this day felt so far away. I remember when the doctor told me he would lose all his hair. I was so sad. Then he said that within 6-9 months it would be coming back and CJ would be out playing like other kids. I did not believe him. I just stared at him and thought he was trying to be optimistic or cheer us up.
Now, here we are 11 months later and CJ's hair is back and he is out playing like other kids. It is still surreal in so many ways. I know his fight is not over and I live with that reality everyday. It is always with me that the next scan, the next blood test, the next ache or pain could be the beginning of this battle all over again. But at the moment I am simply grateful and astonished at how far he has come in so short a time.
Admittedly, there are times it is more difficult for me that he looks like all the other kids because his physical presence does not betray our inner battle. I guess my heart has not caught up with his physical progress yet. This became evident on Saturday during his first game. My mother was there with me and we were so excited watching him pitch that we could not sit still. I just could not believe I was watching him pitch in a baseball game.
We were down by 20 points at this point in the game and it was 100 degrees outside. All the other parents were sitting quiet and still in the shade and had to be wondering what in the world was wrong with us as we paced back and forth cheering him on, our excitement obvious. I looked over at Chris who was struggling to contain himself as well and I said, "Can you believe we are here?" I thought I should cry or shout or do something but instead I just thanked God silently.
There was this strange temptation to look back at all the parents and say, "Please excuse our excitement. He has cancer and this is a miracle you are witnessing." I didn't do it of course. I know God will show me the appropriate time to share our story with each parent. I do want them to know because I believe God can use CJ's story to benefit and bond this team in a special way. Even if it is a simple as one little boy being kinder to his teammates, or one parent being more patient with their own child's progress, then it will be a blessing to share our story.
During his second game he struck out and went back into the dugout positive and cheering his teammates on. This was a surprise because I know the amount of time he spends practicing and I know he wants his game to reflect that. This was also different from last year when he would get really frustrated with himself for striking out. I told him I was proud of his attitude and he said, "I don't care if I strike out as long as I go down swinging and trying my best." I sure hope that attitude lasts all season!
I realize most of our readers are not local but many that are have asked for his baseball schedule so you can come to one of his games and cheer him on. I will attach it to this post for anyone interested in attending a game. Email me for directions to the park if you need them.
___________________________________________________
On a more serious note, I would like to ask for prayer for CJ as he rediscovers the beautiful truths of the gospel all over again, like we all do when we come face to face with the depravity of our minds and our flesh. CJ found himself in a situation that lead him to come to me immediately and confess his sin and ask for prayer and accountability. (I still can not believe a 10 year old can walk through these truths better than I can at 35) . As I prayed with him, he thanked God over and over through tears for sending his Son to die for him. As a mom, I suffered and yet rejoiced at what I was witnessing. I was saddened by his pain but so grateful for his spirit. He asked me why he still felt so bad after prayer and confession and I told him it was important that he accepts God's grace and forgiveness but if God removed all memory of the sin and the consequences for it we would just continue to do it over and over again.
I also told him that since he was very little I have believed that God has plans for him. Now I realize God has plans for all our lives and that is a promise in Scripture we can all claim but I am talking about something more, something I have sensed since he was a child. I don't know if it was the cancer or something more and the cancer was just an attempt to destroy those plans. I have not theologically worked through all of this yet but I do believe CJ has suffered attack after attack untypical for a child his age. It began when he was a small child and suffered severely with anxiety unlike anything I had ever seen. Even a seasoned teacher whose class he was supposed to take, who assured me he would be fine, came out 10 minutes later and told me she had never seen fear in a child like that before and felt I should not enroll him in the class. Then, when when he was about 6 or 7, he suffered a fiery trial that nearly pulled me from the church. And now at 9 he is diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes I wonder if all these attacks are to divert him from the plan God has for him or just to prepare him for it. Then, I shudder as I realize that if they are just to prepare him for a life of serving God, we are probably not talking the "good life" working for Christ but the "to live is Christ and to die is gain kind of life." The real good life that includes sacrifice and often suffering. Then I think back on all the years of praying and continuing to pray for God to set CJ apart for His glory and wonder if I knew what I was doing when I prayed that. Maybe I wasn't well enough versed in the New Testament to pray that kind of prayer. Maybe I had not taken a good look at what being set apart for God's glory really looked like. I am tempted to to ask God to take my ignorance into consideration? But deep down, I know it wasn't done in ignorance. I knew what I was praying for and even so, I still say Yes and Amen although through tears and a heavy heart now.
As I close this post, I confess I am tempted to apologize to those of you who I may sound like some religious wacko to but my conscience won't allow it and it is probably way too late for that if you have followed this blog for any extended period of time. Instead, I will boldly ask for continued prayer for CJ both spiritually as well as prayer for his continued healing physically. I will admit I am stunned that anyone actually reads these posts. I am humbled that you would allow me this portion of your time to share our families burden and blessings with you through my inadequate words yet I am grateful for it and pray that it blesses you.
"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body whether by life or by death. For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
(Philippians 1:-20)
(Philippians 1:-20)